Sorting It Out
by YunCyn
Summary: Evil Eyes has had it up to here with his partner's manner around Natsumi. So exactly what is he gonna do about it? 1shot, PG for some language.


**Sorting It Out**

**Disclaimer: **GB (c) Rando Ayamine and Yuya Aoki.

**A/N: **Figured since I've written Ban and Himiko, I might as well give Ginji and Natsumi the focus as well. (Then again, as you read on, this is once again from Ban's point of view. Yeesh…)

* * *

There are many different kinds of romances in this funny old world which we reside in.

There're tragic ones, like Cleopatra and Julius Caesar or Romeo and Juliet.

There are the wistful, wish-we-could-work-it-out-but-just-can't romances, like Rick and Ilsa of "Casablanca" fame.

There are the best-friend-turns-into-lover-ones. There are the so-chronically-shy-it-takes-a-WHOLE-lot-of-spluttering-and-help-from-so-called-friends romances. There are the flirtatious-as-heck-then-turns-serious romances.

And then there is the 'SO-painfully-obvious-you-just-want-to-strangle-the-two-who-are-as-equally-dense-about-the-whole-matter' romance.

Of every one that he knew, those two were the absolute _worst_ in the aforementioned category.

Let it be known that although Midou Ban was a coldhearted, insulting, conniving, calculating, slimy, sneaky, perverted, lecherous, insensitive, braggart of a snake with all the tact of a full grown giraffe amidst penguins not to mention an ego that could have outsized every single ocean on earth by both depth and width…

He was not _stupid. _**(1)**

No, Ban was proud of his intelligence. It gave him another thing to brag about. But that was beside the point.

The point was this: this intelligence enabled Ban to be completely and consistently irritated to no end. This was because of the knowledge that his best friend, brother, partner and second half of Get Backers also known as Raitei also known as the ex-ruler-of-Lower-Town _also_ known as the ex-leader of VOLTS **also** known as Amano Ginji…

Was doing absolutely NOTHING about his extremely, utterly and wholly obvious crush on a certain dark haired, cheery, seventeen year old waitress.

Why? Because the blonde idiot didn't even bloody KNOW he had a crush on her.

Honestly. If Ban weren't supposed to be the closed up snake of a man that he was, he'd have absolutely no qualms about shoving Ginji and Natsumi into a closet without any clothes on. Just to make a point.

Uh… that would mean Ginji and Natsumi without the clothes on. Not Ban.

However, that plan as far as Ban could see, would have a few flaws.

1) He would be pummeled to a paste by Paul for stripping Natsumi and shoving her into a closet with an equally unclothed Ginji. The Honky Tonk café owner may not look much like the father figure type but the waitress had somehow become his ward over her days as a waitress under his charge. So woe betide anyone who tried to besmirch Mizuki Natsumi's honour.

2) Hevn would pummel him for the same reason and so would Himiko and maybe Madoka as well. (Shido would gladly batter Ban to resemble paper pulp on her behalf but Ban had a feeling Madoka would much prefer doing it herself. This was, after all the girl who had kicked one of the toughest and most-persistently-unwilling-to-just-DIE enemies right in the family jewels.)

3) Ginji would most likely electrocute him beyond help for stripping AND seeing Natsumi without clothes on, even if it was just fast enough to shove her into the closet with the human electric eel. (He might have been Ban's bestest friend and trusted partner but this would be pushing it just that much over the edge. Even Ban had to admit that to himself.)

4) Those two would most likely just sit down and play chess after getting over their embarrassment. They were that 'innocent', as much as Ban could deduce. (However if Ginji and Natsumi had more… risqué sides, he'd much rather not know. REALLY.)

So, that plan had been scratched after some consideration.

However, he knew he HAD to do something soon. All this beating round the bush business was getting annoying. Sure, the automatic blushes on Ginji's face around the waitress and vice versa were amusing and Ban did get a kick out of dryly commenting on their relationship resulting in both looking absolutely and genuinely clueless.

But when Ginji had had a spell of lovesick syndrome when they'd spotted Natsumi walking with some guy neither of them had seen before, it had gotten out of hand. It wasn't just annoying. It was infuriating and, dare he say it, just a little _scary_.

Raitei had very nearly emerged were it not for Ban's spiked baseball bat to knock him unconscious and let Natsumi's companion safely get out of sight. It hadn't happened again but Ginji had been uncharacteristically miserable and downright sulky for at least two weeks. He even spent one night in the Ladybug belting out ballads of forgotten loves and broken hearts. The 57th repetition of 98 Degree's "She's Out Of My Life" had REALLY gotten onto Ban's nerves.

And for the life of him, Ginji had absolutely _no clue _why he was acting so strange. But since they had to spend another huge chunk of money to fix the radio after Ban smashed it in with the Snake Bite, the blue eyed Jagan wielder was too irritated to enlighten him.

Then, the blonde _dakkanya_ had perked up once more after Natsumi bought him a box of sweets and happened to mention that "Junishi-kun, the boy who walked her back to the Honky Tonk two weeks ago was now Hana-chan's boyfriend." Apparently, during their walk, he was asking her about his chances with "Hana-chan." This made Ginji much sunnier and happier, for reasons unknown only to him. Everyone else just sighed in exasperation.

However, after a week of normality, something had happened again.

Ginji, ever observant lad that he was, had noticed flowers arriving at the Honky Tonk, for-

.

"_Natsumi-chan, every. **Single.** DAY!" _

_Ban flicked a lazy glance over to his tare-chibi crying partner and silently groaned. All because he'd asked why Ginji was acting like a complete mop for the past week (All limp and wet with no life…)_

"_So?"_

"_SO!" wailed Ginji, bouncing back to normal. "They're all signed "A Secret Admirer!" And I **DON'T **like it!"_

_Feigning stupidity, Ban pushed up his glasses higher. "…again. So?"_

"…_so…so…so I don't KNOW WHY I DON'T LIKE IT!" wailed Ginji, thumping his chin against the dashboard with a great air of misfortune and depression. "I don't like not knowing why I don't like it coz' I don't UNDERSTAND!"_

"…" _Ban sighed, unfolding his arms and willed himself to be patient. "I'll walk you through this. Slowly." He held up __one bony finger. "One: you don't like people sending Natsumi flowers."_

_An emphatic nod of the head._

"_Two: you don't like Natsumi having secret admirers."_

_An even more empathic nod of the same blonde head._

"_Three: if you don't like Natsumi being sent flowers and you don't like Natsumi having secret admirers, what do you think that means?"_

_Ginji nearly nodded before stopping short and thinking about it. Ban tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, willing beyond all hope that he would get the hint. _

.

"… _I don't like Natsumi-chan!"_

_._

_Ban allowed himself to thud his head against the steering wheel BEFORE attempting to cut off Ginji's air supply by applying the Snake Bite to his neck. _

.

Ban glanced at his partner who was plucking flower petals off a daisy with the most miserable expression he'd ever seen, on Ginji's face. It was even worse than a Basset Hound's.

But at least he wasn't singing-

"_She's out of my… life… she's out of my…liiiiiiiiiife…!"_

Ginji barely noticed as Ban got out of the Ladybug and stepped to the side. With a deep, dark frown, he drew out his cell phone and began pushing a few numbers.

"Hello, MakubeX? Kazuki's there, ain't he?"

* * *

"So, to put things short…" Ban pushed up his glasses slightly and glanced around the conspiratorial group.

"We need to wake Ginji up."

Hevn sighed and shook her head. "He may be exceptionally perceptive at times…"

"But mostly he's just plain dumb," finished Himiko. Both mediator and Lady Poison exchanged glances, a little surprised that they were mutually agreeing on something.

Kazuki shook his head, bells tinkling. "Don't be too harsh on him. Ginji never really had much experience with the opposite sex in Lower Town."

"That's not true. He hung around you, didn't he?"

The thread weaver glared in a smirking Ban's direction, bells already between his fingers. "Say that _again_?"

Juubei drew out his needles. "How **dare** you insult Kazuki…!"

Emishi sweat dropped. "_Maa, maa… _this is about Ginji-han, remember? Please, truce for now…"

Shido released a small sigh. He was really in no position to say anything considering his situation with Madoka. "Why not just let Ginji sort this out on his own?"

"Try sitting through one of his renditions of 'Gone' **(2)** and see if you want tolet him "sort it out on his own"." said Ban sarcastically. "It'll be the 31st century by the time he figures it all out."

The beast master glared at the Jagan wielder. "It's really like you to underestimate Ginji, Snake Boy."

"Okay, then answer me this, know-it-all Monkey Brains: do YOU think he's going to "sort it out on his own" by this **week**?" shot back Ban.

Everyone, including Shido, fell quiet since they'd all been to the Honky Tonk in Ginji's lovelorn stint.

Himiko sighed, breaking the silence. "We all know the answer to that one."

Everyone exchanged nods. All of them, even Juubei, knew just what Ginji was like around Natsumi:

Dense.

"So what's the plan?" asked Hevn finally, bringing the matter out into the open. "How do we wake Ginji up?"

"Well, we could just _tell _Ginji-han that he's in love with Natsumi-han."

Another period ofsilence resounded as everyone stared at Emishi.

"….what! It's true!"

"Emishi, just how long have you known us?" asked Shido dryly.

"Well, I haven't known Ban-han for very long but-"

"Emishi-san, what Shido means is that we're not the direct approach kind of people when it comes to things such as love."

Emishi looked confusedly at Himiko. "What do you mean?"

Ban raised an eyebrow and gestured at Shido with a quick tilt of the head. "Monkey Breath over there's not telling Otowa that he wants her."

"Sashimi-For-Brains has no guts to tell Lady Poison he's actually madly in love with her." shot back Shido, vein throbbing in his temple.

"Kazuki no Ito hasn't told Ren that he's waiting for her to grow up so he can marry her," retorted Himiko without thinking, shooting an evil glare at Shido.

Kazuki, having suddenly been brought into the conversation, found the need to defend himself. "Well… Hevn-san hasn't informed Kagami that she likes him!"

"Since when did I get pulled into this!" demanded the blonde mediator. "I just said he was cute!"

"Knowing you, that's an invitation for him to go and propose," dryly commented Himiko.

"You got a problem with me attracting men, you with no chest to speak of?" retorted Hevn.

"NANI!"

"What's your idea of bringing Madoka-san into this, Midou!"

"What, you're DENYING that you don't want her?"

"NO but you're-"

"Or are you not _capable_ of wanting her? You're really a eunuch, aren't you?"

"You evil sneaking weasel! I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"Hah! Bring it on if you think you've got what it takes!"

"Shido, Ban, please stop-"

"Butt out, NURSE Kazuki!"

"Wh-**AT**…!"

"Midou Ban, you will pay for that insolent remark!"

"HAH, bring it samurai boy! I'll take you, Monkey Breath AND the ojouchan down all at once!"

"The **OJOUCHAN?**"

All of a sudden, everyone but Emishi was squabbling with one another, just to cover up the sudden flaring of embarrassment within almost all of them. The Rouran joker just sat there helplessly, wondering when they were going to actually come back to the subject of what to do about Ginji and his chronic density about his true feelings towards Natsumi when Ban's cell phone rang.

Seeing as no one else was about to answer, Emishi picked it up.

"Moshi moshi!"

"_Ban, that you?"_

"Master! Emishi here."

_"Just thought you'd might like to know that they're COMING."_

"Got it!"

With an abrupt hang up, Emishi looked up at the still-fighting group and came to a decision.

Yell.

"GINJIHANANDNATSUMIHANARECOMING!"

"…what?"

"I said…"

**BAM!**

"Ban-chan! Kazu-chan! Shido-kun! Juubei-kun! Emishi-san! Himiko-chan! Hevn-san! Konnichiwa!"

"Konnichiwa minna!"

"…konnichiwa, Ginji-han, Natsumi-han."

Ban, in the midst of a chokehold on Shido managed a "Yo."

Shido, who could barely breathe waved.

Kazuki, about to sew Ban's lips together gave a weak smile.

Juubei, about to insert at least three needles into Ban's brain nodded.

Himiko, with at least four poisons out about to waft them into Hevn's nose, came up with "Hi, Ginji-kun, Natsumi-san…"

Hevn who was nearly pulling out Himiko's hair smiled forcedly. "Hi… how was your shopping?"

"Great!" exclaimed Ginji, who didn't seem to notice the strange positions his friends were in. Or rather, he noticed and thought it perfectly normal. "We got LOTS of food! All on Master's bill!" Any sign of depression over Natsumi's secret admirer seemed to have disappeared into thin air suddenly.

Natsumi nodded in exuberant agreement, also seemingly blissfully unaware of the very odd poses or already used to it. "We've got French bread, butter, strawberry jam, more coffee-"

"Cake!" finished Ginji and Natsumi together, respectively chuckling and giggling.

Paul soon arrived and smiled indulgently like a father would as he looks on at two children playing nicely together. "Okay, you two. Go put all the stuff in the back, will ya?"

"Haaaai!"

With more laughter, they went into the store room. As Ban, Shido, Juubei, Kazuki, Himiko, Hevn and Emishi looked on, Paul calmly followed them, shut the storeroom door and with a key, locked the door with a satisfying sounding 'click'.

The Honky Tonk café owner walked over to the booth as everyone slumped back into normal sitting positions, with a raised eyebrow.

"When I said I'd bring them out to distract them from the fact we're setting them up, I didn't expect all of you to be _part_ of the distraction itself."

"More convincing this way, Master," replied Ban with a smirk as he lit up a cigarette.

"Like I said, he can exceptionally perceptive if he wants to be," commented Hevn with a smile as there came a soft pounding on the storeroomdoor from the insides.

"Best way to convince him all is normal is to try and kill each other," added Shido with a smirk. He turned to Ban. "Hate to say it, Snake, but the 'secret admirer' business of yours actually worked."

"I'm the great Midou Ban-sama. Of course it worked."

Shido decided for once to take it easy on himself and leave the retorts and snappy comebacks to Himiko. Besides, all that planning from Kazuki sending the flowers to Natsumi to Paul dragging both out to go shopping so the rest could set some things up was going to be worth it.

Kazuki grinned, bringing up a string he'd attached to Ginji's bandanna and Natsumi's shirt and setting it up to speakers that Juubei produced from a bag alongside a tape recorder. Apparently MakubeX wanted to know how Ginji would handle confessing as well. Even Sakura had professed curiousity.

As everyone ignored the frantic pounding on the door and gathered round the speakers, Ban spoke into a makeshift microphone: two plastic cups attached by Kazuki's sensitive strings. The one in the room acted like a megaphone.

"Don't try electrocuting the door open, Ginji! We covered it with thick rubber!"

Everyone burst into snickers and smirks as a cry emerged over the speakers. It sounded something like _"What'd I do!"_

"Tell her she is as beautiful as the sun and the moon, Ginji-han!" yelled Emishi with a large grin on his face.

There came a choked noise and the distinct _"eh!" _from Natsumi.

"_What do you mean! What're you guys trying to do?"_ wailed poor, helpless Ginji.

Kazuki took the plastic cup from Emishi. "Ginji, do you agree that you didn't like it when Natsumi-san received flowers from an anonymous admirer?"

A very squeaky _"What!"_ was a reply. It seemed as if Ginji was reluctant to admit it right in front of Natsumi.

"Do you?" asked Kazuki mock-sternlywith a twinkle in his brown eyes.

"_Kazu-chan, zurui da!" _**(3)**

"Life's always unfair, Ginji," laughed the thread weaver into the microphone.

"_Kazu-chan!"_

"Answer the man," said Juubei stoically.

"_Mou… yes…"_

"Question two: Do you know WHY you didn't like it?" asked Shido with a small smirk and a longing to guffaw.

"_Shido-kun! You too?"_

"Answer the question, Ginji."

The blonde get backer by this point, suddenly realized that he was utterly alone in this. If even Kazuki wasn't letting up... boy, was he in for it.

"_No…"_

"You wanna know WHY, Ginji?" ventured Himiko with a rare grin on her face.

"…_yes…"_ (Apparently Ginji had learnt very quickly that the sooner you answered, the sooner things seemed to move along and the quicker his chance of getting let out of the storeroom)

"Natsumi, are you listening to this?" confirmed Hevn.

"_Uh… yes…?"_

Paul lifted the cup and spoke with every ounce of seriousness in him, into the makeshift microphone. "Good. Because what you're about to hear is extremely important. Pay close attention, both of you. We're going to only say this once and only once."

He set it right in the middle of the table and everyone leaned close.

Ban, as apparent Master of Ceremonies, cleared his throat. "The reason you don't like it when an admirer sends Natsumi flowers, Ginji, is because…"

In the store room, Ginji and Natsumi were listening closely although both were very confused. Actually, Natsumi was getting slightly suspicious but she was still rather confused about the whole locking her and Gin-chan in the store…

…_No. They weren't about to- they couldn't-_

.

"**YOU LIKE HER, YOU DUMBASS!"**

.

The combined shout of everyone, including Juubei, made for a very clear, VERY loud message not even GINJI could possibly misread.

And with that, everyone quietly exited the Honky Tonk to have a good laugh and leave Ginji and Natsumi to "sort this out on their own".

**End.**

**

* * *

- **

**(1) **Somehow this statement is debatable. (gets whammed into a wall)

**(2) **"Gone" by N'Sync. (snicker) Go check the lyrics and you may understand why Ban's so adamant. (grin) Don't get me wrong, I like the song but it's probably something that Ban will find highly irritating if repeated too many times. (XD)

**(3)** Correct me if I'm wrong but "Zurui da!" should mean "Unfair!"

Cut Scenes

**A/N: **Thought you might enjoy these deleted pieces from the fic. Especially the last one… (grin)

Originally, the plan was to have Ban telling Ginji from the beginning that he was in love with Natsumi but that didn't work out as planned...

"_SO!" wailed Ginji, bouncing back to normal. "They're all signed "A Secret Admirer!" Someone out there likes Natsumi-chan and it's NOT **ME**!"_

_There was a long silence._

_Ban raised an eyebrow. "You don't like Natsumi?"_

"_NO! No, no I mean, I LIKE her- BAN-CHAN!" cried Ginji accusatorily at Ban as the Jagan wielder just smirked, the electric eel having just realized what he'd just admitted. (Like he didn't know already…)_

_-

* * *

_

Same as the above - Ginji knowing from early on that he was in love with Natsumi but then decided that it wouldn't be much fun. (grin) I really did like the "Sashimi-for-brains" part though so I reused it, giving it to Shido.

_Ban allowed himself to thud his head against the steering wheel BEFORE attempting to cut off Ginji's air supply by applying the Snake Bite to his neck. _

_After the scuffle, the blue eyed, quarter German regained his temper and attempted to try again. _

"_That MEANS, you idiot, someone out there is making a move on Natsumi."_

_Ginji stared at him, teary eyed and chibi with large bumps growing out of his head. _

"…"

_Make that, teary eyed, chibi, large bumps growing out of his head and completely missing Ban's point._

_Ban made water vapor evaporate on the spot with his burning aura. "That ALSO MEANS, sashimi-for-brains, someone out there LIKES, L-I-K-E-S, Natsumi."_

* * *

This was kind of a small tribute, if you will, to **The** **Invader Androgynous**'s AkabanexHevn fics. If you read this, Invader-san and all the Akabane fans, I'm sorry that I didn't put this in. But I wasn't sure if Akabane would be inclined to help set Ginji up with Natsumi. (-sweatdrop-) I'm sure there would have been more comedic moments involved if I'd included him but he's one of those characters I daren't write much for fear of getting him wrong.

Kazuki, having suddenly been brought into the conversation, found the need to defend himself. "Well… Hevn-san hasn't informed Akabane-san that she likes him!"

"Since when did I get pulled into this!" demanded the blonde mediator. "And like heck, if I'm attracted to that killing machine on two legs!"

"My, my, I must remember that one, Miss Mediator."

Everyone froze.

Then, as one they all looked up to see the eerie looking smile on Jackal's face as he greeted them with a cheery "Good morning".

**A/N: **Now that I think about it, this just sounded like one of those extra features/director's cut/director commentary on a DVD. (-sweatdrop-) Ah well...thanks for reading, guys! Hope you enjoyed yourself. :)


End file.
